Upon Losing a Fiance and Father of my daughter....!

I remember in high school I wrote a poem about death and I turned out to be one of the chosen candidates to present my poem and compete with other schools.

Death is inevitable, it’s unchangeable and it is most of all painful. When I saw his lifeless body laying on the floor, seeing him motionless and helpless, my heart sank and I felt as though a piece of me died with him. We were young and so in love, everything made sense when we were together, we were compatible almost like we were made for each other, a long lost twin of mine we had everything in common. We had the same likes and dis-like the same taste in music, clothing, food and the list goes on and on.

And then suddenly like a thief in the night, death came in and claimed the life of my better half. Instantly my lover was gone I would never talk to him or hear him talk to me, I would never embrace him or feel the warmth of his hands around me, or hear him tell me how much he loves me and how the world is meaningless without me.

My lover is gone, and coming to terms with that is an un-ending nightmare. Pain is an sarcasm of what I’m actually feeling, sometimes I feel as if my whole body is numb, my brain feels like its frozen and I start questioning God, but why me? Why now? Why give me such a special person and then take him away. Am I cursed? Why does it feel like all I’m living for is pain, and the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt you can’t run away from it. And who said I’m strong enough to handle all this? Who said I will cope? How am I going to raise this child without her father? Those are just some of the questions I ask myself. My better half is gone! Never to return, I will never see him again, his child will never see him again and that is the fact of the matter. Death came in and snatched him and all I’m left with is memories. I’m filled with so much hatred, anger, confusion and distrust, I feel lost, I feel betrayed I have these mixed emotions. One day I feel like I’m coping and the next I feel like falling apart.

The truth is you never really get to understand the concept of life, it is so unpredictable anything can happen anytime, we never know what tomorrow has in store for us, now I understand why people say live life to the fullest, if u want to dance, go ahead and do it, u want to laugh? Cry? Sneeze do what you want to do, live each day like there’s no tomorrow because life is too short.

My wound is still fresh, the memory of what happened to him is still vivid, almost like it has happened yesterday I will never forget what was done to him and I will always remember that my Vusi was alive on the 15th of September 2014, he laughed with me, we smiled together, talked, cuddled, did our everyday thing, but he was gone the very next day September 16th 2014….!